Substitute Teaching Without a Voice

Let me just say...it is damn hard to teach without my voice. The kids cannot hear you at all. Your voice kind of blends in with their low roar during the day. Geez. But, I think first grade is officially my favorite grade, on the other hand. I am going to supply you guys with three funny stories from my last week and a half of subbing. Ready?

A. While subbing 5th graders last week ( I am not a fan of 5th/6th grade by the way), I had a student named X-Zavion (not kidding). He didn't listen and ran his mouth the whole class, and also threatened to punch some kids face in and make him look like Fat Albert. (What does that even mean?) Anyway, he proceeded to tell me that he had a girlfriend whom he nicknamed "Skittle" and her flavor was strawberry. I had to look away because I was grinning so bad and trying NOT to laugh my ass off.

B. While teaching kindergarten last week (in which I had a student named D'Lyxes - not part of my story but still funny-I wondered if her and X-Zavion had the same mother) the kids WOULD not listen. Can 5-year olds listen Kristen? Their poor attention spans are like 8 seconds long. Anyway, after threatening taking away their recess, I decided to try the old "I have your parents phone numbers and I am not afraid to use them" trick. So I said, "Class, I have each one of your parent's phone numbers, and if continue not listening to me, I will call them and tell them that you are misbehaving" This little boy named Andrew gave me this sad puppy dog face and asked, "Mrs. McDonald - why would you do that?"

C. There was a certain child named Colby in my class today who took all his work to the vice-principal for the day. He didn't even come in my class until they were almost dismissed at 2:55 for the day. When he came in he was so sweet and respectful to me,and he talked about the work he completed and what he did last weekend, etc. etc. So, the rest of the class was at P.E. and I took him with me to go pick them up from the cafeteria. The whole time I am thinking, why is this kid at the vice-principal he is so gosh-darn cute (Sarah Palin uses that word: Gosh-Darn). Well he is at the front of the line and the other kids file in behind him to head back to the classroom and the girl behind him accidentally bumped into him. Girls, he turned around and I think I literally heard a demon come out of his mouth..."G...GE.....GET YOU HANDS OFF OF ME". He face turned into a perma-scowl and he was totally non-responsive. CRAZY!!!! Moral of the story...don't judge a book by its cover.

Anyways, ladies, I just wanted to share some of my experiences the past week. Hope you enjoyed.