Let me just say....

1) Don't ever argue with my husband in front of the rest of his immediate family about the due date of HIS child. Trust me if you think the due date is different than what he is saying...you are probably WRONG...so can it. My husband would know better than you.

2) We realize how hard the first couple of months are going to be after this child is born. We realize the trouble that the new parents in the rest of our family are currently having and have previously had. You DO NOT have to constantly remind us. We know. You don't have to tell us. We were not born yesterday. We know raising a baby is very difficult. Seriously. Shut your pie hole.

3) Do not tell us we are having a girl again. Do you have X-Ray vision, Superman? Did you personally speak with God and did he tell you what we were having? If I hear it one more time I just might rip someone's head off with my bare hands only after stabbing them with the closest blunt object. I don't care what it is...the edge of a book, a torn in half water bottle, my dog's toenails...you will feel my wrath.

4) If we make comments on how we would LIKE to raise our future child, do not make a comment about how different it is when you finally have a child. Don't go into Grandma mode and start making excuses for the misbehavings our child has yet to do. If our child is 4 years old and crying in a restaurant like a little brat, Bryan or I will take them out to the car and spank their butt. End of story. Don't tell us, "Well you can't just pull your kid out of every public place when they act bad." "You'll see...you'll see." There is another term I might rip a water bottle in half and stab someone because of. Really? Really, all knowing a powerful Grandma. Watch me.

5) Do not comment on the type of crib and baby monitor I should or should not get because "drop-side cribs are dangerous", and "don't even register for a crib bumper because they are too dangerous and cause SIDS" and "you should get this monitor because it has a mat the baby lays on that alarms you if the baby stops breathing." The crib we are getting is drop-side, the crib bumber is staying because its cute, and we got a video camera monitor - not a SIDS monitor. And if I hear a word about it...out comes the blunt water bottle.